Summer is nearing its end & Autumn is swiftly approaching. We welcome the darkness a little bit sooner each day and the pool water ripples in trepidation of the final swim. Our family is anticipating experiencing this new season in our new home, on our new farm, & yet here I find myself…. in almost the exact same place I was last year at this time. I’m drowning in the screen of blue, lost in the scrolling. How did I get here?
The hourglass fills, it shatters… millions of grains of sand that I can’t retrieve fall through my fingers. My breath is short from chasing someone else’s audience, striving to be like someone else. Pleading with God to show me my calling. How could I be so blind?
Lost. This isn’t a wilderness season, this is me failing, succumbing to my flesh, sacrificing time, relationships, on the alter of Facebook as I bow to the desire to be seen, demanding to be heard. It is vanity and vexation. Forgive me Lord. As I seek the followers you whisper “follow me”….
You might be thinking, just control yourself, or this isn’t that big of a deal. For me this is sin. For me this is distraction. I have missed hugs, kisses, conversations, play, prayer, bible study, rest, fresh air, hearing from the Lord, sleep & more all as I mindlessly scrolled or curated the perfect post. It is vanity & vexation of spirit. I dare not look back, not again, not this time. My eyes are set on you Jesus.
“Jesus Christ, through His spirit has to restrain you from doing a great many things that may be perfectly right for everyone else but not right for you.”Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest.
Yes, I love to write, I desire to do so for God’s glory, to lead others to Christ. However, not by the use of my own strength or by sharing “myself” on social media. This isn’t my platform, it isn’t about me, it isn’t for me to be seen. As the old hymn Turn You Eyes Upon Jesus sang, “turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace” I am choosing to set my eyes on Jesus, off the screen, off of Facebook.
The hymn continues “His word shall not fail you, He promised; Believe Him and all will be well; Then go to a world that is dying, His perfect salvation to tell!” this is what I desire to do. Even if my writing touches one person, leading them the tiniest bit closer to Christ, that is enough. Teaching our children, loving others, serving selflessly. I am exactly where I am meant to be. This is my calling, Jesus’ voice saying “follow me”….. Yes Lord, I will. I choose you. I lay it down. I won’t look back.
“If you can’t see the sun you will be impressed with a street light. If you’ve never felt the thunder and lightening you’ll be impressed with fireworks. And if you turn your back on the greatness and majesty of God you’ll fall in love with a world of shadows and short-lived pleasures.”John Piper